So many days, you’ve been gone, time has passed, yet my wounds still remain, nearing another day where I want to sit down and just ignore the world, but I can’t, they probably thought that I don’t feel, but I don’t deal with sadness the same way as them, I fight every day to not give in to what makes me want to stop walking. Days, they just run by, but I have no concept of their passing, each hour, my mind is fixed on that day, if only I could turn back time, do everything right, have total control over that day, I know it probably wouldn’t change anything, but it would feel better if I could have tried. I tell everyone that I’m alright, yet each time, I’ll find a new fault my the way I am, ever since I stopped pretending to be some one else, I’ve felt so much grief, each memory that plays in my head, a gift or maybe a curse? I remember your voice, while others may have trouble to do so, all the advice you gave still plays in my head, our many talks and arguments, how I wish I could have them again, to stand there and watch you take over a guided tour of how the Russians raided the Swedes, I’d love to hear you talk about the things that I didn’t know, learn the things you had in your head, I’m at my breaking point to what I know, despite how hard I try, I can’t really accept what’s happened. They tell me that reality is harsh and I already knew this, but to hear you when you talk about history and getting to know more than that. Watching you get angry at something when it didn’t work properly, yelling at an object that can’t talk back, I keep hoping that I can be half the man that you were. No matter how rough life was, I always had a warm home, despite all the things that they did, I knew that you would be there, so, I can’t believe how many days you’ve been gone, I’m grateful for the days I’ve had, but I wish there could have been more, how useless I felt, trained to do good, yet I couldn’t do anything that day and no matter how many times I tell myself, I could have done nothing more, I still can’t help to blame myself. If I could have had more days, then maybe this wouldn’t be so hard, taken before your time, yet, I know, I could have done nothing more and now I just count the days in life that I am given, to remember you.

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